225. perspective

There were moments this week when I really got bummed out about leaving Hawaii, especially all of my friends.

But then I realized...

It's not like that scene at the end of The Abyss where Ed Harris heads down the, uh, abyss to defuse the nuclear bomb. He took the trip knowing he wouldn't have enough air for the return trip.

That's not the kind of trip I'm taking.

I mean, I know I won't be able to jump in my car and drive to see my Hawaii friends, but it's not like I'm flying to Mars. There are airplanes that can fly me back if things don't work out or if I get insanely homesick (probably from the lack of sunlight).

On another note, I think the biggest concern I have about Seattle is making new friends. I've had a chance to hang out with a bunch of old friends this week and for the most part, the friends who mean a lot to me are ones that I've known for years. Meeting new people stresses me out. I don't like it. I especially hate that moment right after you've run out of small talk. Usually, when I get to that point, I just make up some excuse (like, "oh, I'm sorry, I just pooped my pants") and make a quick getaway.

And I'm no good at follow up. For the most part, I don't call a lot of people to talk or to hang out. I usually wait for people to call...but that's not entirely accurate because it's not like I'm sitting around, staring at my cell phone wishing it would ring. What I mean to say is, I'm entirely comfortable just hanging by myself. I go to the bookstore alone. I see movies alone. I don't drink alone, but that's because most of the bars in Hawaii have karaoke machines and that means awful singers or awful songs (often both).

My poor people skills and my love of solitude makes for an unfortunate combination in a new city, but it's not like I'm going it alone. I'll have my band up there with me and they're a lot better at meeting people than I am so it's not like I'm going to end up as some crazy homeless cat person. And I can always fly back to Hawaii for a weekend or something (time and money permitting) if I start getting twisted up in a bad way.

Look, I'm going to do my best to make it, and I don't see much of a problem. My rent is only $500 and I like to think I know how to stretch a dollar pretty far if I need to. I have marketable office skills, I have a manager ready to give me glowing recommendations, and I don't mind going back to doing temp work.

"Hey, Randall. It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself of something."

Hmm, I can see how it might seem that way. And maybe that is partly what I'm doing. I want to write down all the optimistic things I see about making this move so that (like I wrote in the previous post) I can look back and remind my self of why I moved if things start going sour. But I don't see that happening. But it's good to have a backup plan just in case. But I don't think I'll need it.