222. thoughts on Seattle

So I'm moving to Seattle in less than a month. I've known about this move for a while now but it's getting close. I know this is going to be a huge change for me but it hasn't been that big of a deal for me...until these past few weeks.

See, for the most part, I'm a really laid back kind of guy. I take things in stride and I tend not to get overly emotional about changes. But the reality of the immensity of this move is beginning to get very real. Two things in particular are driving home the point for me.

1. I sold my car a few weeks ago.

I didn't really mind letting the car go because it's seventeen years old and didn't have a lot going for it - the AC gave out years ago, and it was a Corolla station wagon, not exactly a chick magnet. But I've had that car for sixteen years and was very good to me. All in all, it was pretty easy to let the car go, but it really drove (no pun intended) home the point that I'm getting rid of things that I love for this move.

Funny side note, I found out that the car stalled about a week after I sold it. Turns out it didn't have any oil in it. The way I heard it, they took the car to the shop and the mechanic pulled out the dip stick and it was bone dry. Oops! I like to think that the car shed tears of oil because it was missing me.

2. Martin, the guitar player/lead singer of my band, Harrison, and his wife are already up there and looking for a place to live and they've been asking me how much I can pay for rent.

Again, I knew I would have to find a place to live up there, but just the fact that I have to actually put a dollar amount out there as to how much I want to pay per month makes the move that much more real to me. It's one thing to say that you're going to live in Seattle. It's another thing to say that I'm willing to pay up to X amount per month in rent.

The deal isn't set yet but there is a place that they're seriously considering so not only do I have a rental amount, I also have an address for this place.

Doesn't get much more real than that.

"So how are you feeling not that the reality of the move is setting in?"

Actually, I feel pretty good. I really do feel like a new phase of my life is about to begin. And I really do believe that part of the reason I haven't been blogging as much lately is because a part of my subconscious is already there.

I guess to be completely, bluntly honest, there's a part of me that knows Hawaii isn't where I'm supposed to be right now. This part of me has known this for years now, and one of the reasons why it's taken so long to actually make the move is because of the band.

I had told my workplace that I was planning on being in the mainland by 2003. At that time I told myself that there were only two things that would keep me in Hawaii: meeting the girl of my dreams or getting into a band that was serious about moving to the mainland. Well, I didn't meet the girl but the band found me.

Which brings me here - four weeks away from Seattle.

With all that in mind, I suppose that's part of why I'm not more worried about the move and I'm actually not all that bummed about what I'm leaving behind. I mean I know I'll miss my friends and family and the food and...and, uh... Well, I'm sure I'll find other things to miss once I'm there but I'm hoping that I'll find that I've gained much more than I've lost.

This move is way overdue.

I'll probably start freaking out more and more as the date gets closer but there's no way I'm changing my mind.

I think of Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, who recently died doing what he loved...wait, maybe that's not the best example to use here, but what I'm getting at is the idea that at this point in my life, I'm not supposed to be in Hawaii where it's warm and comfortable and familiar. I've known that for years and so in my mind, the things that I'm giving up are a bargain compared to what I'll gain. I don't know what that is yet, but I do know that I can't find it here.

Of course this might be just so much bravado and I might be filled with misery and regret once I'm up there, but I'll never know if I don't try.

I've written before that I'm not one who's sensitive to spiritual matters. I can't say that I hear from God the way some Christians do, but I know in a way that transcends reason that I'm supposed to get my ass over there. And I can only attribute that certainty to the Holy Spirit.

And how can I say no to that?