(this is a pretty long post so you might want to grab a cup of coffee and a muffin before starting)
My last week at house church I was asked to share what I'd learned throughout my time there. And I could think of no better idea to sum up the newfound understanding of Christianity that I've gained than to talk about the kingdom of God.
And so, from my notes:
The Kingdom of God
Throughout the Gospels, Jesus can be found referencing something called the kingdom of God (also called the kingdom of heaven in Matthew). Up until we discussed the idea of this kingdom in house church a few months ago, I had just assumed that Jesus was referring to what life would be like after we died. But through the discussions we had and through some books I've been reading, my understanding of Christianity and what Christ came to earth to do have changed completely.
First of all, the kingdom is not just about heaven after we die, it's about life here and now. The easiest way to show this is to look at The Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13. The telling line is in verse 10 where Jesus prays, "your Kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven."
That's present tense. That verse is talking about the Kingdom of God being here on this earth now, the way it already is in heaven.
So what is this kingdom of God?
Unfortunately (like the Matrix), it's not so easy to define. When describing the kingdom, Jesus says it's like yeast, like seeds, like a pearl, like a party, etc. In fact, in Luke 17:20-21, Jesus says, "The kingdom of God is not something that can be observed, nor will people say, 'Here it is,' or 'There it is,' because the kingdom of God is in your midst." He deliberately used metaphors and stories because the complete idea of what the kingdom of God is has to be bigger than our understanding, our ability to define it, because once you have a definition, people start imposing it on other people. They use it as a measuring stick - are you in or are you out?
Think about the idea of being cool in high school. You couldn't really define what it meant to be cool, but it was immediately apparent who the cool kids were. If you tried to make a list of what it meant to be cool, that list instantly became uncool. Because the cool kids were always doing cool stuff before everybody else did them. Once everybody else was doing it, it wasn't cool anymore and the cool kids were already doing the next cool thing.
Jesus never really defines what the kingdom of God is because it's kind of like being cool - you can't define it, you just have to live it.
It also helps to think about the phrase itself, "the kingdom of God." It can be difficult for us to understand the idea of kingdom in America because we live in a democracy, but think of movies about King Arthur or a movie like Braveheart. To live in a kingdom meant you lived under the rule of a king. Those living in a given kingdom were subject to the king's laws and commands.
Now about these laws. I'm going to sidetrack for a moment to discuss the idea of laws, as it relates to the kingdom of God, because there are Christians out there who are missing the point.
A bad king used laws to oppress and control his people. A good king used laws to preserve order and to maintain the culture of the kingdom - their way of life, their traditions and customs. A bad king taxed his people to enrich himself - building bigger castles and stronger walls. A good king reinvested the wealth of the kingdom by supporting artists and philosophers thereby preserving and developing its culture. A bad king spread his kingdom through force, trickery and coercion. A good king shared his art and ideas with those around him, thereby spreading his influence through willing partnership.
What I'm trying to get at is the idea that some Christians look at spreading the message of Christ the way a bad king looks at his subjects. They seek to impose Christian values and morals by any means necessary. But (to paraphrase the cliche) what did Jesus do? He came into the world at a time when his followers were looking for political deliverance from the oppressive Roman empire. Indeed, among his own disciples was listed Simon the Zeallot. The Zealots were a loose band of Jews who sought to overthrow the Romans by acts of open aggression.
Jesus had a ready-made army in his followers and if he had wanted to, he probably could have led a huge campaign. He also had angels in his arsenal. At the moment he was handed over to be crucified, one of his followers cut off the ear of the high priest. Jesus reprimanded him saying, "put your sword back in its place, for all who draw the sword will die by the sword. Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels? . . . Am I leading a rebellion. . .?" (Matthew 26:52-55)
The kingdom of God is not about power (the first will be last, the greatest will be servants - Luke 13:29-30, Matthew 23:11-12), nor is it spread through force. It grows through love.
In Jesus' day, many religious leaders had forgotten that loving God and loving others was more important than merely obeying commands. They wore their righteousness the way celebrities today wear haute couture fashions - as a way to distance themselves from the public - so they had a vested interest in discrediting Jesus because he saw their acts of righteousness for what they were - mere window dressing (Matthew 23:13-28).
To illustrate, there's a story in Mark 12:28-34 where there's a debate happening between Jesus and some of the various Jewish religious leaders of the day. A certain teacher of the law sees the debate happening but he enters the debate with a different attitude. He sees that Jesus is giving good answers and so he asks a question, not to challenge Jesus, but I imagine he asks, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" because it was a question that he himself was wrestling with.
"The most important one," Jesus answered, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your mind and with all your soul and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."
It's particularly important to note that in the teacher's response to Jesus, he includes the bit about loving God and neighbor as being "more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices." I think it's because of this addition that Jesus "saw that he had answered wisely" and told him that he was "not far from the kingdom of God." Loving God and people is more important than the laws about offerings and sacrifices because those laws were things the Jewish people were supposed to do to SHOW their love for God.
Think about the kingdom metaphor again. A good king used the laws of a kingdom not just to preserve order, but also to preserve and perpetuate its culture. Each kingdom had its own ways of living life. They had different styles of art, a different language, different customs. Living in the kingdom of God means living out the culture of heaven here on earth - behaving now, the way we will after we've made it in to heaven.
So what does this life look like? How does a citizen of the kingdom behave? Now I have to be careful here because I can't just lay out a list of do this, don't do thats. That's the mistake the religious leaders of Jesus' day made - they made it about lists. It's more about principles than it is about laws. And that can be frustrating for people who like strict boundaries, but the upside is that it makes for a generous, inclusive belief system.
That said, a good starting point on learning about the culture of the kingdom would be to read through the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:1 - 7:27). This was Jesus' debut sermon and in it, he lays out a revolutionary new vision on how to live. Throughout the sermon, you can see that he's trying to get at the heart of the law and in the end, it has to do with sincerity when performing religious acts (as opposed to aping meaningless, rote activities) as well as being excellent to one another.
And that's a kind of Christianity that I want to be a part of.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Friday, September 29, 2006
226. on saying goodbye
So I'm here at Willie's house in Vegas. I'll be here until Monday night when I fly out to Seattle where I'll stay for...who but God knows and what but time will tell?
I'll tell yah, the hardest bit wasn't actually the day of the flight out of Hawaii, it was the day before. I come from a pretty typical 2nd generation Asian family, so emotions aren't shared freely. That said, it was quite a heavy blow to see my mother tearing up. Up until that point, the move was just the start of an exciting adventure for me, but those tears reminded me that there were consequences for those I was leaving behind. It's like Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote, "They who go feel not the pain of parting; it is they who stay behind that suffer."
But the hard part is over now, what's done is done. I'd like to think that my parents wish the best for me, but there were an awful lot of hints about coming back to Hawaii, as in, "don't buy too much furniture just in case things don't work out up there and you have to come back," or "make sure you keep the number of the moving company just in case you have to come back." At the time I took those comments as irritating attempts to undermine my confidence but now I see that it was their way of both subtly asking me if I was sure I wanted to go and telling me that I had a place to return to if things didn't work out. At least that's how I want to think about it.
It sucks that "goodbyes" are an inevitable part of life, but they are. The brutal truth of the matter is, even if people never move apart, death will have his say in the matter sooner or later. And a part of me finds this situation stupid beyond reason. What's the point of saying "hello" if that means there's going to be a "goodbye" at some other point?
"Geeze, Randall, could you be any more cynical?"
Oops, sorry about that.
I suppose one could see the fact of "goodbye" as a reminder to make the most of what time we do have together - to not take it for granted. I mean, for most of my 34 years at home with my parents, it was business as usual. But I think about the next time I'll see them - that will certainly be a more meaningful encounter. But that will make saying "goodbye" again even harder.
"There you go again..."
What can you do. That's life.
"You're not going to end this entry on this bum tip are you?"
No.
Look, I'm sorry that I had to say goodbye and hurt my parents, but God has bigger plans for me. Even though I didn't want to put my folks through it, as far as I was concerned I felt I had no other choice. I had to make this move. And in a way, it serves as fuel to succeed. I want to make something great of myself so they will see that their pain was not in vain. I mean how great would it be to return home with a successful musical career with my band or as a published writer? How cool would that be?
I'll tell yah, the hardest bit wasn't actually the day of the flight out of Hawaii, it was the day before. I come from a pretty typical 2nd generation Asian family, so emotions aren't shared freely. That said, it was quite a heavy blow to see my mother tearing up. Up until that point, the move was just the start of an exciting adventure for me, but those tears reminded me that there were consequences for those I was leaving behind. It's like Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote, "They who go feel not the pain of parting; it is they who stay behind that suffer."
But the hard part is over now, what's done is done. I'd like to think that my parents wish the best for me, but there were an awful lot of hints about coming back to Hawaii, as in, "don't buy too much furniture just in case things don't work out up there and you have to come back," or "make sure you keep the number of the moving company just in case you have to come back." At the time I took those comments as irritating attempts to undermine my confidence but now I see that it was their way of both subtly asking me if I was sure I wanted to go and telling me that I had a place to return to if things didn't work out. At least that's how I want to think about it.
It sucks that "goodbyes" are an inevitable part of life, but they are. The brutal truth of the matter is, even if people never move apart, death will have his say in the matter sooner or later. And a part of me finds this situation stupid beyond reason. What's the point of saying "hello" if that means there's going to be a "goodbye" at some other point?
"Geeze, Randall, could you be any more cynical?"
Oops, sorry about that.
I suppose one could see the fact of "goodbye" as a reminder to make the most of what time we do have together - to not take it for granted. I mean, for most of my 34 years at home with my parents, it was business as usual. But I think about the next time I'll see them - that will certainly be a more meaningful encounter. But that will make saying "goodbye" again even harder.
"There you go again..."
What can you do. That's life.
"You're not going to end this entry on this bum tip are you?"
No.
Look, I'm sorry that I had to say goodbye and hurt my parents, but God has bigger plans for me. Even though I didn't want to put my folks through it, as far as I was concerned I felt I had no other choice. I had to make this move. And in a way, it serves as fuel to succeed. I want to make something great of myself so they will see that their pain was not in vain. I mean how great would it be to return home with a successful musical career with my band or as a published writer? How cool would that be?
Friday, September 22, 2006
225. perspective
There were moments this week when I really got bummed out about leaving Hawaii, especially all of my friends.
But then I realized...
It's not like that scene at the end of The Abyss where Ed Harris heads down the, uh, abyss to defuse the nuclear bomb. He took the trip knowing he wouldn't have enough air for the return trip.
That's not the kind of trip I'm taking.
I mean, I know I won't be able to jump in my car and drive to see my Hawaii friends, but it's not like I'm flying to Mars. There are airplanes that can fly me back if things don't work out or if I get insanely homesick (probably from the lack of sunlight).
On another note, I think the biggest concern I have about Seattle is making new friends. I've had a chance to hang out with a bunch of old friends this week and for the most part, the friends who mean a lot to me are ones that I've known for years. Meeting new people stresses me out. I don't like it. I especially hate that moment right after you've run out of small talk. Usually, when I get to that point, I just make up some excuse (like, "oh, I'm sorry, I just pooped my pants") and make a quick getaway.
And I'm no good at follow up. For the most part, I don't call a lot of people to talk or to hang out. I usually wait for people to call...but that's not entirely accurate because it's not like I'm sitting around, staring at my cell phone wishing it would ring. What I mean to say is, I'm entirely comfortable just hanging by myself. I go to the bookstore alone. I see movies alone. I don't drink alone, but that's because most of the bars in Hawaii have karaoke machines and that means awful singers or awful songs (often both).
My poor people skills and my love of solitude makes for an unfortunate combination in a new city, but it's not like I'm going it alone. I'll have my band up there with me and they're a lot better at meeting people than I am so it's not like I'm going to end up as some crazy homeless cat person. And I can always fly back to Hawaii for a weekend or something (time and money permitting) if I start getting twisted up in a bad way.
Look, I'm going to do my best to make it, and I don't see much of a problem. My rent is only $500 and I like to think I know how to stretch a dollar pretty far if I need to. I have marketable office skills, I have a manager ready to give me glowing recommendations, and I don't mind going back to doing temp work.
"Hey, Randall. It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself of something."
Hmm, I can see how it might seem that way. And maybe that is partly what I'm doing. I want to write down all the optimistic things I see about making this move so that (like I wrote in the previous post) I can look back and remind my self of why I moved if things start going sour. But I don't see that happening. But it's good to have a backup plan just in case. But I don't think I'll need it.
But then I realized...
It's not like that scene at the end of The Abyss where Ed Harris heads down the, uh, abyss to defuse the nuclear bomb. He took the trip knowing he wouldn't have enough air for the return trip.
That's not the kind of trip I'm taking.
I mean, I know I won't be able to jump in my car and drive to see my Hawaii friends, but it's not like I'm flying to Mars. There are airplanes that can fly me back if things don't work out or if I get insanely homesick (probably from the lack of sunlight).
On another note, I think the biggest concern I have about Seattle is making new friends. I've had a chance to hang out with a bunch of old friends this week and for the most part, the friends who mean a lot to me are ones that I've known for years. Meeting new people stresses me out. I don't like it. I especially hate that moment right after you've run out of small talk. Usually, when I get to that point, I just make up some excuse (like, "oh, I'm sorry, I just pooped my pants") and make a quick getaway.
And I'm no good at follow up. For the most part, I don't call a lot of people to talk or to hang out. I usually wait for people to call...but that's not entirely accurate because it's not like I'm sitting around, staring at my cell phone wishing it would ring. What I mean to say is, I'm entirely comfortable just hanging by myself. I go to the bookstore alone. I see movies alone. I don't drink alone, but that's because most of the bars in Hawaii have karaoke machines and that means awful singers or awful songs (often both).
My poor people skills and my love of solitude makes for an unfortunate combination in a new city, but it's not like I'm going it alone. I'll have my band up there with me and they're a lot better at meeting people than I am so it's not like I'm going to end up as some crazy homeless cat person. And I can always fly back to Hawaii for a weekend or something (time and money permitting) if I start getting twisted up in a bad way.
Look, I'm going to do my best to make it, and I don't see much of a problem. My rent is only $500 and I like to think I know how to stretch a dollar pretty far if I need to. I have marketable office skills, I have a manager ready to give me glowing recommendations, and I don't mind going back to doing temp work.
"Hey, Randall. It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself of something."
Hmm, I can see how it might seem that way. And maybe that is partly what I'm doing. I want to write down all the optimistic things I see about making this move so that (like I wrote in the previous post) I can look back and remind my self of why I moved if things start going sour. But I don't see that happening. But it's good to have a backup plan just in case. But I don't think I'll need it.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
224. point me back to this entry
I can't believe I'll be leaving Hawaii in just about one week.
Earlier today I had my last haircut by my stylist of over ten years. She works at Macy's and she's great if only because I just sit in the chair and she knows exactly what to do. I just tell her "short" or "long" and she has at it. To be completely honest, I first started getting my hair cut by her because she's really cute, but it didn't take long to see that she wielded a mean pair of scissors.
Last haircut. Last full week in Hawaii. I'm sure there'll be lots of lasts in the next few days and it feels really strange. This is by far the biggest life change I've ever taken on and I feel a strange mix of sadness and excitement. Thankfully, fear isn't an emotion I'm wrestling with...at least not yet.
If it were up to me, I'd like to be done with the move already just so that I won't have to go through all the "goodbyes." It would be much easier for me to just make a clean break and be done with it. I try to go out of my way to make people around me feel comfortable, and saying "goodbye" doesn't allow for that. So not only do I have to deal with the sadness of moving away from the people I love, I'll also be repeatedly put into situations where I'll be the cause of discomfort for the very people I try so hard to soothe.
But I have to go. I love Hawaii and my friends here but I know, with a certainty that is rare for me, that I'm supposed to be in Seattle with my band.
I don't talk about it much (probably because I don't like facing it myself), but I don't like big decisions. (And I've never made the connection until now, but I think this is part of the reason why I've been single all these years.) On top of that, there are parts of me that are riddled with self-doubt. I believe this unfortunate combination of personality traits has kept me from fully realizing my potential.
What I'm trying to get at is the idea that this move to Seattle should be so outside of my comfort zone as to be impossible. A life change of this magnitude should not be something I can take on, but I really am looking forward to the move.
I know the main reason I'm comfortable with the move is the fact that I'm not going up alone. I'll have my band mates up there with me, and not just that, but we have a goal to pursue: global musical domination. Having a goal and friends to pursue it with somehow takes a lot of the fear and insecurity out of the equation. Somehow, it makes the things I should be concerned about (job, car, making new friends) seem insignificant. I suppose one or two months from now, I might be in full on freak-out mode trying to make things work, but if you see me post a blog like that, be sure to point me back to this entry.
Earlier today I had my last haircut by my stylist of over ten years. She works at Macy's and she's great if only because I just sit in the chair and she knows exactly what to do. I just tell her "short" or "long" and she has at it. To be completely honest, I first started getting my hair cut by her because she's really cute, but it didn't take long to see that she wielded a mean pair of scissors.
Last haircut. Last full week in Hawaii. I'm sure there'll be lots of lasts in the next few days and it feels really strange. This is by far the biggest life change I've ever taken on and I feel a strange mix of sadness and excitement. Thankfully, fear isn't an emotion I'm wrestling with...at least not yet.
If it were up to me, I'd like to be done with the move already just so that I won't have to go through all the "goodbyes." It would be much easier for me to just make a clean break and be done with it. I try to go out of my way to make people around me feel comfortable, and saying "goodbye" doesn't allow for that. So not only do I have to deal with the sadness of moving away from the people I love, I'll also be repeatedly put into situations where I'll be the cause of discomfort for the very people I try so hard to soothe.
But I have to go. I love Hawaii and my friends here but I know, with a certainty that is rare for me, that I'm supposed to be in Seattle with my band.
I don't talk about it much (probably because I don't like facing it myself), but I don't like big decisions. (And I've never made the connection until now, but I think this is part of the reason why I've been single all these years.) On top of that, there are parts of me that are riddled with self-doubt. I believe this unfortunate combination of personality traits has kept me from fully realizing my potential.
What I'm trying to get at is the idea that this move to Seattle should be so outside of my comfort zone as to be impossible. A life change of this magnitude should not be something I can take on, but I really am looking forward to the move.
I know the main reason I'm comfortable with the move is the fact that I'm not going up alone. I'll have my band mates up there with me, and not just that, but we have a goal to pursue: global musical domination. Having a goal and friends to pursue it with somehow takes a lot of the fear and insecurity out of the equation. Somehow, it makes the things I should be concerned about (job, car, making new friends) seem insignificant. I suppose one or two months from now, I might be in full on freak-out mode trying to make things work, but if you see me post a blog like that, be sure to point me back to this entry.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
223. failure
I made a goal to post at least one blog entry per week.
I consider a week to go from Sunday through Saturday.
Last blog posted was dated 09/04/06.
That took care of last week.
This week, I haven't posted anything.
This post doesn't count.
Boo for Randall.
I consider a week to go from Sunday through Saturday.
Last blog posted was dated 09/04/06.
That took care of last week.
This week, I haven't posted anything.
This post doesn't count.
Boo for Randall.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
222. thoughts on Seattle
So I'm moving to Seattle in less than a month. I've known about this move for a while now but it's getting close. I know this is going to be a huge change for me but it hasn't been that big of a deal for me...until these past few weeks.
See, for the most part, I'm a really laid back kind of guy. I take things in stride and I tend not to get overly emotional about changes. But the reality of the immensity of this move is beginning to get very real. Two things in particular are driving home the point for me.
1. I sold my car a few weeks ago.
I didn't really mind letting the car go because it's seventeen years old and didn't have a lot going for it - the AC gave out years ago, and it was a Corolla station wagon, not exactly a chick magnet. But I've had that car for sixteen years and was very good to me. All in all, it was pretty easy to let the car go, but it really drove (no pun intended) home the point that I'm getting rid of things that I love for this move.
Funny side note, I found out that the car stalled about a week after I sold it. Turns out it didn't have any oil in it. The way I heard it, they took the car to the shop and the mechanic pulled out the dip stick and it was bone dry. Oops! I like to think that the car shed tears of oil because it was missing me.
2. Martin, the guitar player/lead singer of my band, Harrison, and his wife are already up there and looking for a place to live and they've been asking me how much I can pay for rent.
Again, I knew I would have to find a place to live up there, but just the fact that I have to actually put a dollar amount out there as to how much I want to pay per month makes the move that much more real to me. It's one thing to say that you're going to live in Seattle. It's another thing to say that I'm willing to pay up to X amount per month in rent.
The deal isn't set yet but there is a place that they're seriously considering so not only do I have a rental amount, I also have an address for this place.
Doesn't get much more real than that.
"So how are you feeling not that the reality of the move is setting in?"
Actually, I feel pretty good. I really do feel like a new phase of my life is about to begin. And I really do believe that part of the reason I haven't been blogging as much lately is because a part of my subconscious is already there.
I guess to be completely, bluntly honest, there's a part of me that knows Hawaii isn't where I'm supposed to be right now. This part of me has known this for years now, and one of the reasons why it's taken so long to actually make the move is because of the band.
I had told my workplace that I was planning on being in the mainland by 2003. At that time I told myself that there were only two things that would keep me in Hawaii: meeting the girl of my dreams or getting into a band that was serious about moving to the mainland. Well, I didn't meet the girl but the band found me.
Which brings me here - four weeks away from Seattle.
With all that in mind, I suppose that's part of why I'm not more worried about the move and I'm actually not all that bummed about what I'm leaving behind. I mean I know I'll miss my friends and family and the food and...and, uh... Well, I'm sure I'll find other things to miss once I'm there but I'm hoping that I'll find that I've gained much more than I've lost.
This move is way overdue.
I'll probably start freaking out more and more as the date gets closer but there's no way I'm changing my mind.
I think of Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, who recently died doing what he loved...wait, maybe that's not the best example to use here, but what I'm getting at is the idea that at this point in my life, I'm not supposed to be in Hawaii where it's warm and comfortable and familiar. I've known that for years and so in my mind, the things that I'm giving up are a bargain compared to what I'll gain. I don't know what that is yet, but I do know that I can't find it here.
Of course this might be just so much bravado and I might be filled with misery and regret once I'm up there, but I'll never know if I don't try.
I've written before that I'm not one who's sensitive to spiritual matters. I can't say that I hear from God the way some Christians do, but I know in a way that transcends reason that I'm supposed to get my ass over there. And I can only attribute that certainty to the Holy Spirit.
And how can I say no to that?
See, for the most part, I'm a really laid back kind of guy. I take things in stride and I tend not to get overly emotional about changes. But the reality of the immensity of this move is beginning to get very real. Two things in particular are driving home the point for me.
1. I sold my car a few weeks ago.
I didn't really mind letting the car go because it's seventeen years old and didn't have a lot going for it - the AC gave out years ago, and it was a Corolla station wagon, not exactly a chick magnet. But I've had that car for sixteen years and was very good to me. All in all, it was pretty easy to let the car go, but it really drove (no pun intended) home the point that I'm getting rid of things that I love for this move.
Funny side note, I found out that the car stalled about a week after I sold it. Turns out it didn't have any oil in it. The way I heard it, they took the car to the shop and the mechanic pulled out the dip stick and it was bone dry. Oops! I like to think that the car shed tears of oil because it was missing me.
2. Martin, the guitar player/lead singer of my band, Harrison, and his wife are already up there and looking for a place to live and they've been asking me how much I can pay for rent.
Again, I knew I would have to find a place to live up there, but just the fact that I have to actually put a dollar amount out there as to how much I want to pay per month makes the move that much more real to me. It's one thing to say that you're going to live in Seattle. It's another thing to say that I'm willing to pay up to X amount per month in rent.
The deal isn't set yet but there is a place that they're seriously considering so not only do I have a rental amount, I also have an address for this place.
Doesn't get much more real than that.
"So how are you feeling not that the reality of the move is setting in?"
Actually, I feel pretty good. I really do feel like a new phase of my life is about to begin. And I really do believe that part of the reason I haven't been blogging as much lately is because a part of my subconscious is already there.
I guess to be completely, bluntly honest, there's a part of me that knows Hawaii isn't where I'm supposed to be right now. This part of me has known this for years now, and one of the reasons why it's taken so long to actually make the move is because of the band.
I had told my workplace that I was planning on being in the mainland by 2003. At that time I told myself that there were only two things that would keep me in Hawaii: meeting the girl of my dreams or getting into a band that was serious about moving to the mainland. Well, I didn't meet the girl but the band found me.
Which brings me here - four weeks away from Seattle.
With all that in mind, I suppose that's part of why I'm not more worried about the move and I'm actually not all that bummed about what I'm leaving behind. I mean I know I'll miss my friends and family and the food and...and, uh... Well, I'm sure I'll find other things to miss once I'm there but I'm hoping that I'll find that I've gained much more than I've lost.
This move is way overdue.
I'll probably start freaking out more and more as the date gets closer but there's no way I'm changing my mind.
I think of Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, who recently died doing what he loved...wait, maybe that's not the best example to use here, but what I'm getting at is the idea that at this point in my life, I'm not supposed to be in Hawaii where it's warm and comfortable and familiar. I've known that for years and so in my mind, the things that I'm giving up are a bargain compared to what I'll gain. I don't know what that is yet, but I do know that I can't find it here.
Of course this might be just so much bravado and I might be filled with misery and regret once I'm up there, but I'll never know if I don't try.
I've written before that I'm not one who's sensitive to spiritual matters. I can't say that I hear from God the way some Christians do, but I know in a way that transcends reason that I'm supposed to get my ass over there. And I can only attribute that certainty to the Holy Spirit.
And how can I say no to that?
Friday, September 01, 2006
221. tooting my own horn (aka shameless self-promotion)
So it turns out that one of my stories (this one) is getting published in the first issue of Ankeny Briefcase. The Briefcase is (as far as I can tell) a kind of side project of the Burnside Writer's Collective. I believe the collective is run by Donald Miller - yeah, the guy who wrote Blue Like Jazz.
And although I think it's cool to know that my little story will be out there, I'm not getting too excited about it yet because this is the Ankeny Briefcase's first issue and I have no idea what to expect - what will the printing look like, how will it be distributed, how good are the other stories, is anybody really going to read any of it? I don't know. Still, I'm thrilled to be included.
And although I think it's cool to know that my little story will be out there, I'm not getting too excited about it yet because this is the Ankeny Briefcase's first issue and I have no idea what to expect - what will the printing look like, how will it be distributed, how good are the other stories, is anybody really going to read any of it? I don't know. Still, I'm thrilled to be included.
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