Tuesday, February 07, 2006

160. insects...oh, and one more thing

I was about to go to bed, but I couldn't. Something wasn't right, I was not at ease, and then it hit me. I haven't blogged in over two days. And I've never made blogging a daily thing, but people (for whatever reason) read this thing and I feel a bit of an obligation to put something out there. And there are times when there's more going on in my head than I have time to get down. And then there are other times (like tonight) where I just didn't have anything I wanted to write about.

And again, I was about to get into bed and then I realized that there was something I wanted to share even though it's rather mundane. And so I bring you, the insect story.

Last night I was shutting down my new iMac (see blog 143, 147, and 150) after backing up some files. The computer goes to sleep and then I hear this strange scratchy sound. At the same time I see something out of the corner of my eye. I turn towards the sound and the something and I see a centipede slithering across the floor.

Now to say that I saw a centipede implies that I looked at it with calm, clinical, detachment. Truth of the matter is, I took one glance and once I saw what it was, my spinal cord did its best impersonation of a fish out of water, taking the rest of my body for the ride. Had you been in the room you might have thought I was going into convulsions.

See, I hate insects. Ugh, I mean I really hate insects. I could be watching television and maybe it's a documentary about a rain forrest and they do a cut-away to some bug crawling on the ground and I nearly jump out of my seat. And that bit in the new King Kong where Naomi Watts' character is crawling through the log with those CGI insects...I'd almost rather peel my fingernails off than have to watch something like that.

If I react that way to television and movie bits, you can imagine how freaked I was when I saw the centipede. In my recording studio. Where I work at night. Alone.

So it crawls across the floor and hides under my guitar amp. And then I think about what to do. My first thought is to forget I ever saw it and hope it just starves to death. My second thought was to get one of those room fogger insecticide things (I think they're called bug bombs) and blast out my whole studio just to get rid of one little disgusting bug. My third thought was that I needed to get rid of this thing while I knew where it was because as much as I hate insects and as much as I want to avoid them, working in my studio knowing that there was a centipede somewhere in the room starving would not allow me to fully concentrate. And so I went and got a dust pan and a broom.

Now why a dust pan and a broom? Why not a big shoe or a phone book or a hoe or a shotgun?

Because the only thing more disgusting than an insect is all the gooey pus that oozes out when you smash them. Capturing and releasing this insect is not an act of mercy on my part, I'm just too scared and grossed out to kill it...but I'm getting ahead of myself.

I forgot to mention that in order to get the dustpan and broom I had to leave the studio for a couple minutes (studio downstairs, dustpan/broom upstairs). So I get back to the studio and I spend ten minutes just staring at my guitar amp trying to figure out how to flush out the centipede. But I'm not just trying to figure this out, I'm also trying psych myself up for the task at hand. And I'm also still considering the bug bomb idea.

Finally, I figure I don't have to move the amp, I can just bang it a bit with the wood end of the broom and scare it out. Of course the easy, sane thing to do would be to just pick the stupid amp up by the handle and move it but I was too freaked that I'd grab the handle and the centipede would crawl out on to my arm and then I'd drop the amp and break it and the centipede would bite me and I'd be allergic and I'd die instantly while the centipede ate boogers out of my dead nose.

Long story short ("too late for that, dude") I bang on the amp, nothing. I move the amp with the stick end of my broom, nothing. And then I realize that while I was gone it probably crawled in to some other strange corner. But it was too late to go hunting for it and I was more than happy to get away from the thing even if I'd have to work in the studio knowing it was around somewhere.

Fast forward to tonight. I'm working on some audio editing and every once in a while I stomp my feet hoping to keep the centipede from crawling up my toe nails. I'm working for about three hours and finally, after I'm done, I turn to walk out when it I see it again. But this time I'm ready - I kept the dustpan and broom downstairs for such a time as this. Again, it made a run for my guitar amp. I saw it run under there but didn't see it crawl out anywhere. I get the dustpan and broom combo ready and flush the bastard insect out. And I though it was going to be some grand struggle to get it in the dustpan but it actually crawled right in. I took it outside and let it go. I didn't have to use the broom at all.

The end.

Oh, and one more thing. My MySpace blog counter just hit 4,000 over the weekend. I just wanted to thank all of my readers for...well, reading and commenting.

1 comment:

Kelli said...

That is the funniest story man. It was so God that you saw it again and got it out. Ugh! Centepedes are horrors. They scare me so much that I run and get a huge knife and chop it up. Thats really the only way to kill them. Pretty much nothing else phases them. Ugh, just the thought, creepy!