82. keeping busy

I know I've been slow with the blogs lately. Here's why.

I've been keeping myself busy with other work. The Harrison CD went out last Wednesday night. I treated myself and saw a movie on Thursday night (Broken Flowers dir by Jim Jarmusch, starring Bill Murray). Then on Friday I got to work on the cables for the band (see the Harrison blog titled, "the repair saga (part 2)...Randall's rant"). The cable making project took up the weekend and the final touches were completed Monday night. And tonight I got started on the new website for the band.

I thought I was going to take a break after the CD was done but here's the thing. I've been really moody lately and I've found that when my hands are busy, my brain doesn't have time to be depressed or frustrated or lonely. And so I've been keeping myself busy

But it's not like I'm workaholic level busy. I work pretty slowly. For example, even though I started on the new website design today, most of that was spent looking at other bands' websites to get ideas. After that I started doing a rough mock-up of what the site might look like in Photoshop. Tomorrow night I'll try to pin down the general template and plug everything into Dreamweaver. That's where the real work begins because when it comes to HTML and CSS and website design, I'm all thumbs. My coding is about as elegant as a cat's hair-ball. But I get it to work somehow (a credit to the power of Dreamweaver).

Sounds like a lot of work? It is, but for me it's a distraction, a way to trick my brain (not hard to do) into not thinking about how stupid some areas of my life are right now.

I suppose I could busy myself with blogs (hmm, maybe that's why I was posting so much these last couple months) but all I'd do is post dreary, pissy, spoiled, woe-is-me bullshit and I'm tired of writing like that.

Oh, and another thing. I had this crazy idea that with all of the ranting and raving I've been posting, that I was being the kind of open and honest, in touch with his feelings kind of man that women wanted to find. Turns out that all it really does is turn women off. I mean, who wants to be with some cranky, whiny, lonely, wanna-be writer?

I found this out because there's a guy who's trying to set me up on a blind date. This guy's job is to get me to agree to the date, which is not hard because I'm game for almost anything. This guy's female friends' job is to get this girl to agree to the date. Unfortunately, these girls asked this guy about me and he pointed them to my blog. These girls read my blog and THEY started having second thoughts about setting this blind date up. "He's kind of bitter, isn't he?" My friend went into damage control mode and he said he would work things out but I haven't heard from him for a few days now so I'm thinking the whole deal is crash and burn, code blue. Yet another relationship torpedoed before before even setting to sea.

I'm not that bummed about it though. From the little my guy told me about this girl, this blind date had all the future of an antimatter particle in an atom smasher. Still, the thought of sitting at a nice table with a real, live girl on the other end of it sounded like fun. At least more fun than making cables or designing a website.

The lesson here is this. Randall and relationships don't mix. It's like trying to force similar poles of a magnet together, or trying to get Rush Limbaugh and Michael Moore to agree on who to vote for president.

Anyway, that's what's been going on with me these past couple weeks and it's why I haven't been posting nearly a much as I did about a month ago.

Things feel like they're on the up-swing. Once I'm feeling something like myself again, I'll probably be posting more. But until then....