62. too much information

Wanted: inspiration.

Stuck in a rut and I've run through all my gears. I need God's tow service to pull me out. And so I pray. And wait. And I check to see if anyone's read my blog (and better yet, left a comment). And I wait.

[insert segue]

You know how people are always saying things like, "you've got to be a whole person before you're ready to be in a relationship." Or, "while you're looking for the right person, make sure you're the right person." Or, "be glad you're single, appreciate your singleness, you're going to miss these days once you're in a relationship." This last one is particularly irritating. If they really feel this way then they should dump whomever they're with instead of trying to comfort me with this lame advice. If I knew how to be a contented single person I wouldn't be complaining about it now would I?

I can't speak for every 33yo single person out there but as for me, I'd rather lick a toilet bowl than have to listen to more of those comments/suggestions. I mean, I appreciate the fact that the person saying those things is just trying to help out, but...it doesn't help.

I'm the most single person I know. I don't know anyone in my circle of friends who's been single longer than I. Well, there is one person...but I won't go there. I don't get it and I hate it. It's stupid. I have so much to offer, so much I want to give: I'm selfless and I do my best to empathize, I like to shop for clothes, I'm a good listener, I have a latent romantic side of me that can't wait to spoil a woman with style and surprise, I've read Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, I like chick flicks (as long as they're well made), I'm not obsessed with sports or automobiles, I believe that a woman's heart is ounce-for-ounce the most precious substance in the universe and should be treated as such, I really do care more about who a woman is than what she looks like (sometimes I wish appearance was all that mattered to me, that would be so much easier), I want to learn the difference between "I'm fine" and "I'm okay," I'm good about leaving the toilet seat down (the department I work in is mostly female and they'll back me up on this), I'm not afraid of marriage - I think a lifetime is not nearly long enough to know a woman but I'd love to give it a try.

All that said, I know if anyone's to blame for me being this single this long, it's me. I'm far too picky and I'm far too shy (not a good combination). I have no game and don't let anyone tell you that game doesn't matter. In the long run, that's true but game is what gets your foot in the door. And if you don't get in the door then you're on the outside with the other sorry, single individuals.

In case you're wondering what it is I'm so picky about, here are a few things I'm looking for, pretty much in order of importance: she's got to be a believer in Christ - that's pretty much a given but I think exceptions can be made in (very) rare circumstances. She's got to be smart. I find intelligence incredibly attractive and insight is far sexier than lingerie (I can't believe I just used the word, "lingerie" in my blog). She's got to be funny. But if she's smart, funny probably won't be a problem. I could go on but really, everything else is just a refinement of those three things: Christian, smart, funny.

Physical attributes? Hey, I've got eyes so yes, there are physical features that I'm drawn to but they're not nearly as important as the big three (Christian, smart, funny). But for the record, here they are: I've always been attracted to women with short hair - shoulder length and above. Anything below the middle of the back is redundant and frankly, gross (hair is really just strands of dead cells, thus longer hair equals more death...blah!). I also like women who wear glasses (believe it or not, I'm still going in order of importance, not off the top of my head). I like women who don't wear a lot of makeup. And this is probably far too much information, but big breasts frighten me. Honestly, the smaller the better (fo real).

Oh my, I never know where I'll end up when I start a blog entry. I thought this blog was going to be about feeling stuck in a rut...but I guess there's really not much to say about that. If you're stuck, you're stuck and if you're not going anywhere then there's really not that much to say is there? But I had no idea this would end up as an exposition on what I find attractive.

But I follow the sentences where they lead and I do my best to be true to what they want to say.

Thanks again for reading.

...and if you see her walking by, tell her I'm doing my best to find her - and that when I do, I'll do my best to overcome shyness and insecurity. Tell her I have no game and so if I drop the ball, don't give up on me.