26. God's shooting gallery

I used to believe that God played shooting gallery with my dreams. As I'd let them fly he'd pick them off one by one.

As you can imagine, this idea didn't make for a very trusting relationship. Now I believe that God is a just God and that he has a plan for everyone. But how can I belive that God has a plan for me while also believing that he shoots down my dreams?

(enter epiphany)

The only reason God would keep my dreams from coming true is if they weren't the dreams that he had for me. In other words, the dreams that I had weren't in line with the plans that God has for me so he had to get rid of them.

I like this idea with one caveat - I liked my dreams. Even if they weren't coming true, it was nice to be able to hold them in my hands, nurture them, wish them into being. If they aren't the dreams that God wants for me, I'd like to know what dreams he DOES have for me - my purpose, if you will.

The hard part is, it's easy to get motivated for your own dreams but what if I'm not crazy about the dreams that God has for me? If I got clear directions I'd follow because my understanding is that if I'm doing what God wants me to then my heart will follow. I just wish I knew what those dreams were.

Another consequence of thinking all my dreams were doomed is that my life lacked joy and motivation - hard to get motivated when you think your efforts won't amount to anything. I'm really hoping this new vision of God and his dreams for me will turn this around. For me, a good day is one where I'm not depressed. My mood swings from down to normal. I honestly can't remember the last time my emotions passed the normal threshold into the happy or joyous zone. This is a stupid way to live and I know God has something better for me...I just wish he'd let me in on the surprise.

waiting to see...